Things are rolling quite smoothly. And, I'm in detention when i say that (okay, it's only 3:51, and there's plenty of time for everything to come crashing down, but I think we're going to be good).
So, let's talk about my buddy, B. He's part of the category of students we call Kids We Love Most, or KWLM's, or K-Dubs. I do, truly, love him the most. I've probably spent more time talking to him, talking to his mom, talking to my principal or colleagues about him, crying in the staff room, and worrying at night, than any other student I've ever had.
B started last year barely getting by, and then had some behavioral struggles. He struggles with processing directions, which is probably the biggest challenge a North Star student could have, because we are constantly telling students how to sit, where to look, and what to do (and expecting immediate compliance). A few behavioral challenges turned into a lot of time spent in the dean's office, and "barely getting by" turned into failing classes.
There were a lot of conferences with mom, who took a while to trust that we really were looking out for her son's best interest, and not just picking on him (because sometimes, when a situation escalates from a student slouching at his desk to a dean send out, it's tough to understand why). I once spent an entire night (like, lying in bed) rehearsing for a meeting the next day with his mom.
I actually lost a lot of sleep over this one, and shed a lot of tears, because I was watching this student struggle behaviorally and academically every day, and have so few opportunities to be successful. It also didn't help that when he got angry, he could be VERY disrespectful, and derail an entire class. I made some mistakes last year, including losing my temper sometimes and not always saying the kindest, most helpful things. I trusted my principal's advice to keep it consistent, even if it is frustrating, because a system of clear expectations and consequences is what has helped students here be successful for so long.
For a while, it was quite frustrating. I sent him out of my class almost every time I saw him. A send out means that he got one to three reminders (like a tap on the desk, or quiet reminder) for posture or focus or tracking, then lost a dollar, then three, then took a moment in the hallway to collect himself, and was then given a chance to write a reflection in the back of the room, which he refused every time. And that was only if I saw him; he was often already in the dean's office by 10:00 AM. When I tried to debrief with him, as I try to make it a habit to do after every student behavioral problem of significance, he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. Every question was answered with a shrug, if it all.
And then one day...it worked. He came into class and did what he was supposed to, without even needing reminders. I like to think it was a combination of familiarity with the consequences, and one very long and exhausting meeting with him, his mom, the principal, and me, when he was forced to make eye contact while I explained that I cared about him, and about his success, and about his chances of playing football at Michigan one day. And then he stayed in my class (almost) every single day for the rest of that year. The biggest problems I had from him were calling out answers...because he was so excited. We chatted after class sometimes (he claims the Patriots are the best and the "Jets are like dookie", which I thing means he was comparing my football team to fecal matter). Sometimes I gave him pep talks that helped him get his act together in other classes.
Unfortunately, it was April, and B needed to cover a lot of ground. He ended up being retained, and I was excited to start a fresh year with him. And he started great in my class. The few slip-ups we had were quickly reflected on and repaired. But it was not as smooth in his other classes. He struggled a lot in the first two weeks, and spent a lot of time in the dean's office. I met with a few other teachers to help come up with a plan that would help him be more successful in his other classes, and that is a work in progress. He came in this week a little more focused, and possible on a good track for the time being. I'm hopeful that he will be successful in football, or whatever he chooses to do. (He'll have to grow a few inches taller if that will become a reality.) I hope that the time we, as teachers, have spent loving him the most will pay off for him, which means it will have paid off for me.
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