Homework

Homework. Homework at North Star is a whole different ballgame.

Each day, a student has homework in every class (math, English, science, history). Homework is handed in as students walk into the school in the morning, and sorted by teachers by 11AM. At that point, any student whose work is missing, incomplete, or poorly done receives an automated phone call home announcing their homework detention. They are then required to sit in silence from 3:30 - 5:00 PM and make up the missing work, and begin that day's work. No exceptions.

As a result, everyone does their homework, and does it well. By 7th grade, the kids know the routine. Tuesday, 3 kids didn't do science homework. Wednesday, 100% completed it. Thursday, 1 kid didn't use complete sentences. Detention.

Not only that, but they love it. I over heard a colleague asking a 6th-grader what he liked most about North Star. He said, "I like that we get a lot of homework. It gives us the opportunity to practice being responsible every day." Uh, okay!

I also love it. It's practice that the kids are guaranteed to do. It's like an extra 20 minutes of class every day, and I don't even have to teach it.

Last night, a student called my cell phone to clarify a question on the homework. She was the second student to ask if she could do an additional task on the assignment.

Yesterday, my kids came in after having read and answered questions on the scientific method. The entire lesson was asking them to summarize, analyze, and discuss what they had read. "What is the next step in the scientific method?" "What does that mean?" "Why do we need to do that?" "What happens if we don't do that?" "Respond." And in response, "The first step of the scientific method is the problem statement" (always in complete sentences), etc. They are trained in group discussion, such that I often say, "Respond," and hear, "I agree with Student because of Detail, and want to add Other Detail and connect it to Literary or Other Class Reference". I just stand there and love watching kids learn.

Homework, anyone?

What I Make

We watched this the other morning as motivation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxsOVK4syxU

Still Awesome

Stressful, nerve-wracking, but still awesome.

The school is just so positive. It's certainly stressful being coached (co-teaching has turned into more of a real-time coaching deal, through frantic hand gestures and occasionally verbal cues and once in a very long while, a smile), but I think I'll get used to it like I did with my coach in Bridgeport. It's done so positively. It's really overwhelming, in that every day I'm given a few new skills to work on, and sometimes I feel like I need to master these skills by the next morning, but I also get positive feedback. Today, I know I have to work on economy of language (me? Talk too much?), but I can do so feeling confident in my improvement in checking for understanding.

I graded my first exit ticket today, on making line graphs. My three class averages were 93%, 88%, and 80%. The first class, the 93%, was when I was being coached. It was certainly more stressful for me, but I can clearly see the results (probably not statistically significant, but if I wanted to be a statistician I would be). The second class was more fluid for me, but I think I dropped the ball on the checks for understanding. I should have asked more questions. And the third class, I don't know what happened. I guess I was tired? I need to pick it up more.  That being said, it's not so bad anyway. And I made a pretty exit ticket tracker that is posted on the wall, with every student's name and color-coded grades. It's so pretty. Once I figure out how to post a picture with the names blotted out, I will.


 I had my first parent interaction today, and it was a good example of how we're not in Kansas anymore (Hi Mom!). During one of my later classes, I thought I saw a pair of girls talking in the back of the room, but I was not confident enough to take away dollars. This is exactly what we were told not to do, and I need to improve for next time, but sometimes when I'm on stage I get a little gun-shy. That's why I never got a part in my high school plays. Anyway, I had a voicemail when I left school; it was a parent asking me to call. I called, a little concerned, but noticing that the student did good work, and the parent told me that her child didn't know she was calling, but was mentioned that she was sitting next to a girl who kept talking to her in science class, and didn't want to get in trouble. Really? Lessons learned: 1. Parents here care. 2. Be better about catching misbehaviors. 3. This place is awesome.

Later on in the hallway, I said to the principal that I love her school. "Our school," she answered.


I got a run in today. It was an easy 2 miles, but I felt good. Not great, but good, surprisingly, considering how much my feet are hurting. My time are improving, little by little, and my shin splints are entirely gone.


Have any questions for me? Sometimes I really do run out of things to write about. Comment below!

Second First Day!

Whoa, it's like a totally different job.

I love it here. This is going to be a much better, and super challenging year.

I woke up at 5AM. It was dark, it was early. I was happy to see my colleagues in the morning, though. They were motivating, and we were excited together.

My first class was rough. Not completely awful, but it did not leave me smiling. We got up there about 10 minutes late after morning circle (like a morning assembly), and I panicked about the timing, and my IL was co-teaching with me (first period every day, until I get more experience), so I couldn't get into a rhythm. It felt forced, and I felt like a chicken with its head cut off. However, after the lesson, I sat down with my IL and got a few pointers. I had to rearrange my lessons somewhat, based on some misunderstandings about the students' prior knowledge.

I printed off some new worksheets, and did all over again. By myself. It wasn't perfect, but it was FUN. It was awesome. I had 90%+ compliance at all times (meaning, students sitting up straight and looking, I was 100% on writing work). Everyone did what I told them too. Some things, like the ending procedures, were a little messy (due to my unpreparedness), but it'll be better tomorrow.

The feedback was really useful, and I was complemented on my ability to accept feedback! I think a big difference is that it's much easier to receive feedback on the first day from someone who has been watching me for at least a few weeks, rather than from someone who walks into my classroom for the first time in October and tells me I've been doing something wrong every day for two months.

The kids are amazing. It's not just that they're more disciplined. It's that they've been disciplined since fifth grade, and therefore receiving a solid education since then. Their writing is universally as good as the top 10% of my class in Bridgeport. I'm no longer teaching a class that has kids who have paid attention for 7 years and those that haven't done any work since they lost tack of the material in 2nd grade. I'm teaching a class that has been working hard for the last two years, and are all on or above grade level. The special ed kids receive special ed. They all want to be there. They are polite and interested in the material, even if the material is my course grading policy. It makes me want to sing.

I've also really, really worked out my organization plan. I feel organized and ready to go at all times. I know where everything is. I know what I need to do, and when I need to do it. It makes sleeping much easier.

And, in case my life wasn't good enough, I had this waiting for me when I came home:

I'm really tired, and will probably write more when I have more energy. There's so much more to say. Right now, I have a wedge of brie and glass of wine to demolish.

T-minus One Day

Tomorrow is the day. I went into school today to finish up some things. My room is now all ready to go, with papers ready to hand out and bulletin boards all bordered. I'm so excited!

I'm also nervous. I'm nervous to meet my kids. I'm nervous to have to learn all of the names of the kids. Most of all, I'm nervous that it'll be like last year.

I enjoyed last year. I learned a lot. Looking back on it, though, I was not really as happy as I could have been. I was extra cranky and extra stressed out. I am really hoping this year will be better. Although I have noticed that I am already having a much more wonderful time and learning so much more, I'm still anxious.

It's super awesome so far, and I love my colleagues and administration. I hope it stays this awesome...tomorrow!

Getting Ready

 

We continue to prepare. I had a really, really productive day and I feel good about it.

I made most of the posters for my room. I had a blast using the giant paper printer and the laminating machine some more (despite some...issues...with the laminating machine).

I also had some opportunities to practice some parts of the daily routine. I got a chance to run through some closing routines and learned how detention works. I will be watching detention on Tuesdays, the homework center on Mondays, and the dismissal on Fridays. Wednesday mornings, I greet students at the sidewalk. It's so nice (and a big change!) to know what is expected from me for all these routine details. I know what to do, when to do it, and what to say. It's awesome, and so exciting.

I got to meet a few kids today! A couple of teachers invited students in to school so they could make instructional videos for class (e.g. How to Do an Experiment, How to Have a Discussion), and I got to meet the cream of Vailsburg Middle School. It was exciting and they're pretty adorable, but learning names is going to be quite a task. And, when they were done with the videos, they helped us with mindless tasks. No more labeling for me!

Something I'm really excited about is the culture of learning amongst the teachers. We are expected to watch other classes frequently to learn expert teaching methods. We are often observed by other teachers. This is in addition to regular meetings to discuss and refine weekly agendas and daily lesson plans. I was a little thrown off by having to practice some scenarios while a couple of students were in the room doing chores, but everyone was okay with it. There is a lot of support and enthusiasm towards learning, practice, and perfection, and I guess it is the same with teachers. Cool.

I also met with the special ed teachers to discuss their role and to get some information about a few kids. The sped teachers are really good at what they do. They really know how these kids work, so they could tell us exactly what to do in the classroom so that they get the most out of class. It was an informative talk, and has made me that much more excited to meet the kids on Monday.

My day will be, roughly, 7AM to 5PM. On Wednesdays, I'll have to get in earlier so I'm prepped and ready to greet by 7, and on Mondays, Tuesday and Fridays I'll probably be finishing up around 5:15, plus any additional work time. That's 50 hours of work guaranteed, plus an extra few. I'll pick about one night a week to stay until 7 to catch up. I'll have time during the school day to do work, as well, which is yet to be determined specifically. The way my schedule works, though, I might have a nice solid chunk of a couple of hours a few mornings a week.

Despite this business, I need to get back into running. I took a week off for illness and other, but I'm going to go running tomorrow. Hopefully, the weakness and fatigue will have disappeared and I can get right back into my 10+ mpw. We'll see how it goes.

In other news, I made sourdough again last weekend. The crust was perfect, but the crumb was a little too dense. I think I let it rest too long and it rose too much before I put it in the oven, and then sunk a little. Next time, I'll only let it rest for 2-3 hours, instead of 4-6. I've been doing a lot of cooking and eating, with my boyfriend. This week has included spaghetti and turkey meatballs, flounder baked in parchment in a honey-soy sauce, and Asian shrimp and spinach noodles. Many dinners were eaten on our balcony, in that perfect August evening weather. I could get used to this.

Dodge Ball

I love my school, for so many reasons.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday, and my principal sent me an email wishing me well (it had a puppy in it).

Today, my instructional leader (lesson plan/teaching advisor, henceforth known as IL) gave me positive feedback, constructive improvement feedback, and made sure that I wasn't doing anything that was a waste of my time.

I spent several hours today decorating my classroom with materials provided by my school and posters I made using the schools giant poster printer and laminating machine. Pictures soon.

We ended the workday with a mini dodge ball tournament. The 7th grade team lost gloriously.

Planning!

Yup, there's more planning to do.

I got some really good feedback on the plans I submitted on Friday. I can now start working on some of the things that needed work last year, such as checks for understanding. I need to get better at asking the right questions at the right times, so that I know what the kids are thinking and they are staying engaged. I think that'll be my big goal for the year: to master checks for understanding (CFUs).

I have more planning to do (week 2's plans are due Wednesday), and a ton of classroom decorating. Fortunately, I have access to the school's giant printer and laminating machine, so I can make pretty much any poster I want--for free. I'm thinking of doing an Einstein face-quote poster ("A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.") and maybe a couple more face-quote posters. It was suggested that I represent women and minorities. Neil deGrasse  Tyson? Marie Curie? Any other ideas? I also will make some instructional posters relating to the course material.

I'm going to make a big colorful grid so that I can track students' exit ticket scores in a visible way. That way, they'll get excited about this little assignment, and I can easily keep track of student mastery.

Today I got a look at our first quarter assessment. This quarter is going to be fun. I'm trying really hard to map out the curriculum to cover the skills tested, but to teach towards mastery of skills rather than just to the test. I've got most of the scientific method planned, and some graphing. The rest of the quarter will be filled with geology: rocks, landmasses, water movement, rock cycle, and volcanoes! I get paid to teach 12-year olds about volcanoes!

My weekend was pretty uneventful. I visited a cousin of mine, who I reconnected with at the funereal events. My parents and grandfather came to NJ to visit and see my beautiful apartment. I spent many hours relaxing, watching TV. I took over 2 hours in combined naps. There was mushroom miso noodle soup eaten on the balcony. It was not a bad weekend, probably the most relaxing I've had in 15 weeks.

My running game has been awful, likely due to recent major life events and minor shin splints. That combo has turned my legs to cement, and I had my first enjoyable run in a few weeks on Saturday. It was only 2.27 miles, but it was definitely fun at some parts. Hopefully, with a few more nights of good rest, and once I kick this cold-ish thing I've got going on, I'll be back to my old self (plus a pound or three of pareve pastry weight from a long, healing, and fattening week of mourning).

Have I mentioned volcanoes?

Statistics

Today, I spent approximately 7 hours planning lessons. And I loved every minute of it. It's so exciting to really get started on this, and who doesn't love the scientific method? My first week agenda is as follows:
Day 1 - Classroom Procedures, What is Science
Day 2 - Intro to Line Graphing
Day 3 - Analyzing Line Graphs
Day 4 - Scientific Method: Problem, Hypothesis
Day 5 - Scientific Method: Procedure

It probably would have taken me fewer than 7 hours to make a week's worth of lesson plans, but it's hard to focus for that many hours in a day. Next time will be faster, better, or both.

Since my brain is mashed potatoes (from too much planning, not from the beer I just opened - this one's for you, Mama) and it's Friday night, I'll just share some statistics on North Star Academy that we learned at our retreat this week.

North Star Academy, which is Uncommon Schools' Newark branch, employs 267 people. 40% of them are new this year.

About 2300 students are currently enrolled in NSA's 4 elementary schools, 4 middle schools, and 1 high school. This comprises 5% of Newark's public school students.

NSA's expansion plans for the next few years will result in a total of 6 elementary schools, 6 middle schools, and 2 high schools. This will cover 12% of Newark's public school students.

NSA's graduating students' average 2-section SAT score is 1120, compared to the national average of around 1000. This is a higher average than the national average for white students. It is also higher than the average of SAT scores for any other non-selective urban school.

65% of NSA students will take an AP exam. Of these, 81% will pass (3 or better). Of all the students in NJ who take AP exams, 75% pass. In the world, 60%.

100% of NSA 12th-graders are accepted to 4-year colleges, compared to 23% of Newark public schools.

74% of NSA grads have completed or are enrolled in a 4-year college. 54% of those who have ever been with NSA, even for a year, have completed or are currently enrolled in a 4-year college. National average? Less than 40%.

From 2004-2012, there have been 190 high school graduates. 73% female, 27% male. 88% black, 11% Latino.

One of the biggest indicators of college success is enrollment in remedial classes. Students enrolled in remedial courses are half as likely to earn a degree in 3 or 4 years than those who aren't. From the class of 2012, 97% are attending college. Of these, 5% are enrolled in remedial reading or writing courses. 0% are enrolled in remedial math.

Throw in some pictures of kids studying and graduating, like they did at our retreat opening ceremony, and you'd be moved to tears too.

Week End

This is not the weekend, yet, but it is the week end. The week of shiva, the week of mourning. Last night was the last evening service at my parent's house, and it was meaningful to share it with them.

This last week has been quite an experience. Starting Saturday night, we began shiva, in which people visit the house of mourning (in this case, ours), bringing lots of food and well-wishes. Saturday night, nearly 50 people crammed into our living room for the evening service. It was an enormously touching display, a real testament to my grandmother's and my family's contributions to the community.

Sunday included more food, and a couple of friends of mine from high school. And more food. Did I mention food?

Apparently Jews express condolences with food. I completely understand; it's an opportunity to give to a mourning family. It's an opportunity to do something, at a time when there is really nothing to do. As a result, we celebrated the end of mourning last night by loading half a dozen boxes of cookies, candies, and pastries into my car to share with my new coworkers.

Last night, the Rabbi read the following passage:

"A woman of valor, who can find? Her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and nothing shall he lack. She renders him good and not evil all the days of her life. She opens her hand to the needy, and extends her hand to the poor. She is robed in strength and dignity, and cheerfully faces whatever may come. She opens her mouth with wisdom. Her tongue is guided by kindness. She tends to the affairs of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children come forward and bless her. Her husband too, and he praises her. Many women have done superbly, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a God-fearing woman is much to be praised. Place before her the fruit of her hands. Wherever people gather, her deeds speak her praise."

She was robed in strength and dignity. She was truly a woman of valor.

Closing Procedures

This past weekend was neither the best weekend of my life nor the worst, but I may have been the most meaningful. I saw family that I hadn't seen in years, and we all sat together and hugged and told stories of my grandmother.

On Wednesday, after a long but productive day of professional development with the author of the bible of teaching, I went home, exhausted. I made some dinner (wild salmon) and got a phone call announcing my grandmother's death. I hopped in the car and drove home, getting to see all the preparations we've been making for weeks actually come into play.

It was like watching another family, at first. Someone else's family, not mine. We went through the motions, eating food and drinking wine (as she would have wanted) and making toasts (as she would have wanted). It was weird, and I didn't really feel a part of this big even that involved a few tears and lots of hugging. Even the following day, when we met with the Rabbi to learn what our roles were and to teach him about Mama, it didn't feel really real.

The next day, though, then it got real. And it was amazing. Other than sitting for a half hour, waiting for stuff to start, staring around at each other, the morning was a series of beautiful eulogy and tears and a lot of laughter. We had finally left the purgatory of my grandmother's illness and could begin to mourn and laugh and cry. Stories were told. Love was shared. We laughed a lot.

I think I understand funerals now. It was amazing to see dozens of people from the community come out to support my grandmother, including parents of my high school friends and the owner of Mama's favorite Chinese restaurant. But the service was for us. My family sat in the first two rows, and the service was for us. It was planned, it was an organized way for us to get together with estranged family and tell all of the stories in one place at one time.

The burial was rainy. Jewish tradition calls for members of the funeral party to pick up shovels and cover the casket with dirt. As a bunch of non-laborers trying to do physical work in the rain and mud, there was much laughter and tears. The whole process helped burn some nervous energy, but also helped me to make the transition between mourning a living person and mourning  dead one. This beautiful, vibrant, magnificent woman was not that anymore. It was just a box, covered with mud. The occasional rock hit the wood with a thud and we giggled. Umbrellas fluttered and my grandmother wasn't there anymore, so we left. I understand now what they mean by closure.

The next few days were full of more family, and then friends joined. We looked at old pictures and laughed and cried, but this time there was more laughter and hugging than crying. There were platters and platters of bagels, lox, cream cheese, tuna salad, whitefish, rugelach, halvah, candy, cookies, and more. I probably gained a few pounds, but it was worth it because I got to see old friends. I only wish we could have such get-togethers, but for a happy occasion.

It's not over, but I had to go back to work. I can put the sad parts behind me because the rest of my life is incredible. I'm lucky. I have a great job, a nice apartment, a wonderful boyfriend, and I had a magnificent grandmother.

Opening Procedures

North Star Academy works. Not only that, but I think  I can help make it work this year.

We started our professional development last week with workshops on the school opening procedures. Uncommon Schools believes that a strong opening to every lesson will ensure that students are motivated, enthusiastic, and ready to learn, without wasting a single second. Urgency. It’s all about urgency.

Every lesson starts the same way, so the students know what to expect.

First, students line up (silently) outside the classroom. The teacher greets them, and then gets eye contact and a handshake from each student before they can enter the classroom and sit down to begin their Do Now. If they don’t do it right, or don’t stand up straight, or don’t make eye contact, they have to go to the end of the line and do it again.

After the Greeting, the students go right to their seats and begin the Do Now, which is already on their desks (or whiteboard) ready to go. They work silently, while the teacher circulates to check understand and ensure compliance.

Following the Do Now, we do the ever-exciting and motivating Words of Inspiration. This involves all students standing behind their chairs, and following the teacher in a shot, motivational chant (such as: “Good, better, best/Never let it rest/Until our good is better/And our better is our best!).

The last part of our opening procedures is the Oral Drill. Students (still standing) are asked review questions in rapid succession, answering in complete sentences every time. It is a good review and an opportunity to get students engaged in the material for the day.

I had a good time practicing the opening procedures. I was able to run through it, both as a teacher and several times as a student. It got me excited about this, but it was also comforting to know that every class begins with the same, familiar routine. It made me feel like I could be an important part of North Star.

First teacher took responsibility and made and action plan to remedy specific problems, before the second teacher had even finished absolving himself of responsibility

Eulogy

Tomorrow we will bury my grandmother. My beautiful, strong, feisty Mama.

Mama, Sybil, was born on May 25, 1932 in Brooklyn, NY (as my Rabbi says, "The Old Country"). Her parents were Orthodox Jews and didn't have money for summer camps and fancy toys.

She went to NYU, and eventually earned a Master's degree. She was proud of her advanced degree. She used that to become a foreign language teacher at a middle school in Brooklyn. It meant a lot to me, too. In the last year, I rediscovered Mama. I learned that my grandmother was a teacher, and even though she only taught for a few years, she was a teacher. She thought like a teacher. At the end of a long day, I would call her, and complain. We'd talk about city schools and middle school students. I'd visit her when I was back home and we'd swap war stories over wine.

She liked her wine. She suffered a lot of pain in her life, due to chronic back problems and multiple surgeries, and used wine to soften the ache. But, never in excess, and never before 5PM. And food. She loved good food, and traveling to get good food.

When I was thirteen, my grandparents took me on a glorious adventure to London and Paris for a week. It was an incredible adventure, and it set the bar for all future travels of mine. They used frequent flier points to upgrade our seats to business class, and my mind was blown before we even left the ground. We explored Paris, drank wine, ate wonderful food, and saw the sights. Then we hopped on a train to London and did the same. It was incredible. Mama taught me how to travel, how to eat, how to drink.

As has been mentioned many times in the last few days, Mama loved supporting her grandchildren and children. She attended every school concert and play and sporting event for her 3 children and 8 grandchildren. She was so supportive. She truly loved her family, and showed it frequently. She was married for 56 and a half years to my grandfather. She loved her community, as well, spending many years volunteering for charitable organizations. Cancer Care. Our synagogue.

And she was tough. She had high expectations of everyone and everything, and never let anyone settle for less than their best. But she also taught me to seek out the best, in myself and in the world around me. She taught me to enjoy travel, and food, and wine, and theater, and life.

The community, and the family, will miss her. I will miss you, Mama. I love you, Mama.

New Start

This place is very different from Bridgeport. It’s different than TFA, but not as much. In fact, it’s very similar to TFA , in theory. The mission and ideas are almost identical, but that’s where it ends. TFA is just the ideas, the theory. Uncommon Schools is about living up to the ideals and actually achieving results.

Ever since I graduated from high school, I have missed the idea of always being perfect, always scoring 100%. In college, there were some classes in which 60% earned an A. All of my tasks after college had no grades, and no possibility of perfection. My last teaching job had no expectations of me (or unclear, inconsistent ones). This year, they expect 100% of me. Not only do they expect it, they are making me think it’s possible.

I’ve learned that perfection won’t be possible alone. I have, and will need, support from my colleagues, coaches, and principal. In fact, I think I’ve received more helpful feedback from my principal in my first day of training than in all of last year.

(BPS Rant: We had a different sort of atmosphere in Bridgeport. Teachers aspired to be better than their colleagues, usually by enjoying others’ failures and difficulties. That is, there was a joyful gossip about fights or yelling in others’ classrooms.

 I was also discouraged from asking for help. One time, I asked the principal to come to my classroom because I was having difficulty with a couple of girls in my classroom. Two girls, who were either best friends or worst enemies depending on the day of the week, and had a history of physical fighting, were arguing. I didn’t want the situation to escalate beyond my control, so I asked for help. The principal walked into the classroom and yelled…at me. She announced to the class that the kids were not responsible for their behavior, I was. Their misbehavior was my fault due to where they were sitting. She then came to the same class the following day and publicly criticized the effectiveness of my lesson plans.

These things may have been true. The kids are my responsibility, and that is why I sought help. She undermined my authority, and the students were difficult to regain authority of halfway through the year. And I never asked for help again.)

I love my new principal. She is friendly and I feel comfortable talking to her. I don’t feel like I’m wasting her time when I ask her a question. She gives me feedback and suggestions that are immediately applicable and helpful. I have already improved as a teacher, in the last two days, because of her.

I’ve done a lot of sitting and workshopping in the last two days. I’m doing better at sitting and paying attention than I have in the last few years. Other than today, when I’m so exhausted and have too much to write, I’ve been sitting respectfully, taking notes, participating in discussion, and fidgeting minimally with a binder clip.

There is a lot of role-playing teacher scenarios. At first, I was uncomfortable with the role-playing, both as a teacher and a student, but by the second day, I was all it. I volunteered for everything, and I even got to play the role of a lion in a moralistic skit (catch a lion by slowly and patiently luring it closer). Not only was it more fun than watching quietly,  but I learned so much more by getting up and practicing my teaching drills.

In other news, my grandmother is still Superwoman. She has exceeded all expectations in her steadfast survival. She has had no food or fluids for nearly six days. Five days ago, shoe started showing evidence of kidney failure, and four days ago liver failure. Breathing has been challenging for weeks. It’s unbelievable. I guess I come from strong stock. I’ll definitely need that this school year.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow begins the first day of orientation at my new school, which marks the end of the summer. I did not expect my summer to be like this.

The move was as smooth as possible, other than the burglary. My triathlon training was pretty successful, though uneventful.

What really changed my summer was my family, in so many ways.

Fourteen weeks ago, my grandmother wasn't feeling well. We took her to the hospital, which began a whirlwind of chaos and family and tears that, though ending imminently, is still dragging out.

This summer I learned a lot about a lot of things. I learned about brain cancer, especially the worst kind of brain cancer. Did you know there is a "worst" kind of brain cancer? Stage 4 glioblastoma multiforme. It's bad, it's incurable, it's fast-growing. The best treatments can extend the life of an otherwise healthy adult another 13 months, on average. In a best case scenario.

This was not a best case scenario. On my grandmother's 80th birthday, she underwent brain surgery, which removed 60% of the tumor. The rest couldn't be removed because it rested on her brain stem, the organ that controls the most vital functions.

We had hoped the surgery would return my grandmother to herself, her old personality, if only briefly. It did not, and we've spent the last 10 weeks watching her feisty personality fade away into that of a bland, elderly, woman, and eventually disappear completely. We would visit her, hold her, talk to her, looking for any glimmer of that unspoken brilliance, anything. And slowly, it disappeared. She stopped talking, stopped eating, stopped opening her eyes.

The whole process has worn hard on me, harder on my family. It has brought us together, for dinner every Friday and other nights as well. We lean on each other, make each other laugh and smile in a way we never did. We hug and we talk and we release our stresses. We sit around and joke and cry and plan.

This summer was the longest of my life. Every week, we watched as my grandmother progressed more and more into nothingness. Slowly. Each week was worse than before. Each week was slower than the last, with the sleep debt building for each of us, the tension growing, as my grandmother's health declined slower and faster than we ever could have imagined. Each week was the new beginning of the end. The beginning of the new end. We eagerly awaited the end and bitterly feared the end.

And I don't think she's in there, I don't think it's been her for a long time.

I think last Friday marked the real beginning of the real end, or so we think. She had a seizure and sunk into a coma. It was imminent, or so we thought/hoped/feared as we sat by her bedside for the last 48 hours. And still, it got even worse. More family joined us. Her kidneys failed and her liver failed and her breathing slowed.

But still, she breathes. The longest weekend turned into the longest Sunday, and it is still not over. Everybody says soon, tonight, or tomorrow. Or the next day. Or not.

I will go to work tomorrow, hoping and fearing the end, but mostly imagining what she would have been like as a teacher at North Star Academy.

2011-2012

My last 365 days in pictures:

In the hotel at Induction, 2011

First sushi dinner in Connecticut

Last year's first baking adventure: skillet corn bread

One day, my recliner broke. It was a long day, and I came home, and the handle came off. I cried.

Shells with turkey sausage, spinach, cherry tomatoes, and eggplant tossed in olive oil

Grading exams while standing by a live burn drill

My bulletin board

Ready to dissect chicken wings

When all else fails, make zeppoles

Tulips at the Keukenhof, Netherlands

Free Wi-Fi outside the Anne Frank house, Amsterdam

TV tower at Alexanderplatz, Berlin, Germany

View from the TFA hike

Welcome package from North Star

Visiting St. Anthony Hall for Brown Commencement

A quarter of a century old

Luxurious dinner in San Francisco

View from a run

For my birthday, a leather-bound copy of one of my greatest accomplishments

Fireworks in Central Park

Welcome to New Jersey

New kitchen!

And finally, warm homemade sourdough.

End?

I'm starting to feel the impending end of summer.

My shin splints have become bad enough that I've decided to take a couple of days off from running. Which is driving me crazy. Yesterday, I met up with a local running club and tagged along with the back of a pack of about 30 runners for a couple of miles. It was really fun, and I met some cool people. By the end, though, my leg was killing me, and only some good Olympics discussion and pizza could help. Hopefully, I will feel better very soon, and get to go back for next week's run. It's nice making friends, including an economics researcher and an unemployed physical therapist.

Instead, I decided to finally get back into bread-making. I love baking. I love bread. I've been really lazy about baking this summer, but in the new apartment, I'm not allowed to have any pets, so I decided to raise a sourdough starter.  My first loaf of bread will be ready in about 15 minutes, and I can't wait! When I was in grad school, I baked all the time, probably a loaf or more each week. I know I'll be busy this year, but I'd like to keep up with baking.

Baking bread takes a lot of time, but it's not busy time. Sourdough, especially, which is my favorite. The whole process takes about 24 hours, but it's only about 15 minute of work. It's mostly waiting for the bread to rise or rest or cook. It's also really, really satisfying. I've made bread too sweet, too savory, too dense, too crumbly, and too lots of other things, but there's still the aroma of fresh baked bread and the taste of warm, delicious carbs.

On Monday, I start professional development at my new school. I will have three weeks of this before school starts for real. And before that I've had homework.

Teachers are smart. We know people. And the management at North Star Academy knows that if we are not given a writing assignment to go along with our required reading, we may not read every word quite so carefully. I know that. Even just reading the questions helps guide my reading, so I know what to look out for, and answering the questions helps reinforce the material by having me think about it enough to reword concepts. It's standard teacher stuff.

Today I read through the school's instructional guidelines. It is a set of instructions for everything from planning lessons in the school's chosen format to the hallway routines to the daily school workings to how to talk to parents. It's everything I wish I knew in my last school. Last year, I didn't know what homeroom was supposed to be like until I got a not-so-nicely worded letter from my principal in October. I know I could have asked the question, but I thought I was doing okay and didn't really know I was doing it wrong. Now, I have a set of expectations ahead of time.

Expectations, remember those? A lot of the major improvements in my classroom in the second half last year were due to a revision of my expectations. High expectations, making them clear, and enforcing them. The students need high expectations, or they'll accept mediocrity. They need to be told the expectations in a clear and concise manner, because I can't assume they come to school knowing exactly what to do every day. I guess teachers do too.

I can't wait. I can't wait in that nervous, nonspecific anxiety sort of way. I can't do anything more to prepare, but I can't just sit patiently. I hope the next few days fly by so I can get started, but I don't want the summer to end. (Well, I can't wait for THIS summer to end, but that's another story.) I don't know what to do with myself for the next three days. Instead, I'll open up the oven and have a slice of fresh homemade sourdough.