Ouch

Today was probably the hardest day I've had so far as a teacher. And it had nothing to do with the kids.

My classes were really good today (mostly, anyway). I finally did the lab that I promised to the class that had been begging for it. They were great. They were a little too loud at times, but they were really enthusiastic about the racecar experiment. There were some pretty elaborate race courses, and I had all sorts of students volunteering the formula for calculating speed. I realized that many kids have cell phones with stopwatches on them, and so a couple of trustworthy ones can extend my resources much farther. A student that neither I, nor any other teacher, has seen put in an ounce of effort all year, was even participating today. Not only were the kids good, they even did an almost great job cleaning up afterwards.

My other classes were pretty average, although a student in my homeroom class spent the ENTIRE 40 minutes of class begging to be allowed to go to the bathroom. (After spending several class periods in the bathroom earlier this week, she's been forbidden to go unescorted.) There was a lot of talking back that I didn't do, as instructed by my book. I thought of some really good comebacks, though. ("I'm acting childish? I'm not the one pretending to cry.")

All of this, however, was overshadowed by a discouraged, weepy feeling that had been bothering me since I checked my mailbox this morning. Remember this incident? Apparently, when my principal visited my class yesterday and I totally froze up, it was because she was seeing how I'd improved. It was the WORST POSSIBLE TIME. It was probably in the bottom 10% of my teacher moments, and there she was. So, according to her, I have serious problems with classroom management. And, that's what the letter in my mailbox said. Right before it said "cc: school file".

I understand where she's coming from, I guess, because she's apparently only seen me at my worst moments, but a formal letter? It feels like I've been busting my butt for two months, only to get slapped in the face for not doing anything. My TFA adviser, my mentor, and my boyfriend say that I shouldn't worry about it too much. I've made many of the changes already that were suggested (the letter is dated back to the incident two weeks ago, but was only printed out because yesterday was bad), but I'm meeting with my adviser to document these changes and make a formal schedule for improvement. Oy. It still hurts. A lot.

I can't let it bother me so much, though. As my adviser pointed out, I'm in it for the kids, and as long as I keep working hard for them and know they're making progress, I should feel good about myself.

At the very least, if this keeps happening, I'll be in great athletic shape. Right after school, I cranked out an awesome two miles at the park (after yesterday's easy mile). Now, I need to shower. Tonight is my first rehearsal with the University of Bridgeport choir! Back in show biz.