Law of Large Numbers

Today was a challenging day also, but I think I like the challenge.

When I was doing research in college, my adviser always reminded me of the Law of Large Numbers. Working with bacteria, I dealt daily with numbers of individuals in the billions and trillions. My adviser, with a background in computer science, always said that bacteria behaved like computers. Since there are so many bacteria in a sample, their behavior should "average out", and overall, the population should do what it "should", given the parameters/instructions you've set forth. And, like computers, they tend to do exactly what you instruct them to do, which is not always (and usually not) exactly what you want it to do. Anyone who has ever programmed computers understands this. If the program doesn't work, it's because you made a mistake.

I am trying to approach my teaching this way. Today I had a hard day, but I think a lot of it is because I didn't always make the best decisions. The kids respond to the way you teach. There were difficult circumstances beyond my control, but I didn't respond to them in the best way.

This morning, during my double period class, there were some standardized testing logistical issues that required me to take my class downstairs and stand in the hallway for about ten minutes. Twice. Now, I don't know if you were ever thirteen, but how would you feel about standing in line in a hallway? Silently?

I pressed the issue too much. The class was behaving wonderfully in my classroom, but once we had to wait they fell apart. But I continued to manage them like we were in a classroom. I expected them to wait, in line, silently. Looking back on it, this was an unfair expectation of a bunch of eighth graders in that situation at that time, and resulted in a whole lot of confrontations between me and students who are merely chatty, and not usually confrontational.

Of course, this process kept me busy until another teacher relieved me so I could go receive my next class, who had been standing out in the hallway for ten minutes at this point. Once again, instead of accepting that the day was off to a bad start, I expected perfection. Once again, confrontations.

At this point, I had lunch, which involves a bunch of teachers sitting around compounding complaints and frustrations about students. It feels good sometimes, but today it wasn't a good idea for me. The only advice I managed to pull away from it was "Be mean. It doesn't matter what else you do, but start off mean." I took it and ran with it.

The next class was my homeroom, the class that I've built the strongest relationship with. I spent forty minutes yelling at them. I was horrible. It felt horrible. Students that had already grown to trust me were mumbling behind my back. I was too aggressive, and students misinterpreted my what-is-your-name look with staring them down. I ended up with two students openly defying me in the classroom, and sent them to the assistant principal. Not a great way to start the year.

My last class was visited by my TFA adviser. It ended up not being so bad, except that I was a little nervous and fumbling. And cranky. And then my students asked if he was my boyfriend. I had a nice talk with my adviser after class, and received good advice. I need to be less confrontational. I need to address class problems to the class, rather than trying to pick out every little whisper. I need to leave my cranky at home (but not actually at home--home is for relaxing). He also suggested that if I give my students clearer expectations, they will know in advance what the rules are, rather than waiting for my criticism. And, if I don't expect them to sit and listen to me talk at them for forty minutes, they are less likely to get antsy. I need to plan more group activities, or at least get the students involved more in the lesson.

It didn't help my day that I had to go to the DMV after school to get a CT license. And that I needed a Social Security card, which I didn't have. And I learned that after waiting in line for an hour.

There were a couple of tears, and I got as far as I-95 in the direction of my parents house, before calming down a bit and realizing that sitting in traffic for three hours was not worth it today. Even if I go to the DMV tomorrow and use the little card I got that would let me skip the line, it wouldn't be worth sitting in traffic today. Not today.

I went home, changed my clothes, and headed to the gym. A little sweating is good for everything. I am never more motivated to work out than when I know I have unpleasant work to do at home. Tonight, I have to call four students' parents with not-good things. I've already called two of those, and left voicemail. I kind of hope that I won't get called back, but that they'll get the message. The message was certainly not aggressive, it was more of "I would like to introduce myself; it seems we've gotten off to a rough start; I would appreciate suggestions on how I can better invest your child; thank you for your time."

The one thing I know is that if you threaten to call home, you gotta follow through. Two down, two to go.

Tomorrow I won't be as aggressive. Tomorrow, I'll let the kids participate more in the lesson. I need to make sure to not go in to school and apologize to my kids, even though I want to. Tomorrow I'll try something new and it might be better. But tonight, I'll make a couple of phone calls, and one of those calls will be to order Chinese food.